Election Day is coming up, and I still haven't decided which costume to wear.
I decided to think about the issues in very selfish terms. What's good for me, right here, right now? And who can help me get what's good for me? We have House, Senate and Governor races this cycle, so I can look at the state and federal sides.
Economy: The economy affects me. Sometimes a little recession is good for me, but this one? Whew, no way. So, I would be satisfied with a little more improvement in the economy but not so much that it will cost me anything. What would be the point? Why should I have to pay for anyone else's welfare? Who's gonna help me out on this? Anybody? Strike the governor. In New York, he can't do anything. Congress can't do anything either. In fact, the economy is not really a political issue, is it?
Taxes: They affect me. We pay a lot in New York, and lately all I see are rats. Rats everywhere. Really. It's gross. I vote for the Pied Piper. I'm against paying more taxes unless it means that I get more benefits. Will I get more? Probably not. So, I will vote for the Republican whoever that is, unless the Pied Piper is running in opposition.
Immigration. Now, there's something that hits home. We have a lot of immigrants in this country. Like all of us, including the indigenous people, who sneaked in a lot earlier than the rest of us. The way I see it, we're all immigrants or we're all Native Americans. Wait! That doesn't help me. So, is it better for me to have illegals come in and work cheap and off the books and soak up benefits or keep them out, keep the labor pool smaller and keep them off the public rolls? All the same to me, if they stay in Arizona. So I'll vote for anyone who will keep all the illegals in Arizona and maybe New Mexico. Actually, as long as we can limit the number in New York. The governor? He can't do shit. The Congress? No Democrat will vote to keep illegal aliens out, so I guess I will have to vote for Kirsten Gillibrand's opponent. Anybody know who that is?
Abortion: Not interested, as long as I don't have to pay for them.
War: We have to get out of wherever we are because the enemy already left. I think they moved to Yemen. Let's go there. But I'm against it. I can't figure out who's going to help me on this one. I say bring all of our troops home and let them fix the Williamsburgh Bridge. That will hold them while I think of another project. I guess that's a Democrat vote. No Republican, not even in New York, is going to fix my bridge. Except Al D'Amato. He might have done it.
Change: I want change. No, not really. I want things not to change until I can let go of my burdens. Then, you can change all you want. Have a party. The future? Not my problem, amigo.